Musings On A Confidence-less Performance

So, I managed last week to muster up the courage to watch the DVD of my performance in November...

I'm torn between being happy with my dancing, and not happy with my performance skills. My dancing was good. Much better than I thought it was. Yet I was suffering from a huge confidence drop at the time, and it was so apparent. I just looked terrified.

My confidence is coming back somewhat. Over the past few months it's been returning to me, and I've been going to more social events, and not skipping class because I'm scared of talking to the people there (how silly is that, BTW?! They're all lovely people, and friendly and non-judgemental, yet when my confidence goes, I just want to hide from everyone, I guess) The very fact that I felt good enough to watch the DVD even though I was sure it was my worst performance EVER, and that I thought I had repeated the same two moves over and over, is proof of that. I just told myself I could switch it off if it was too terrible, and I managed to switch it on.

I'm glad I did. I know now that my dancing is OK, that I can do more than two moves, even when I'm so nervous that I can't remember what I'm doing. Sure, my face was terrified, and frozen in place, and I looked more than a little lost. But despite that, the moves were good. There was a good range, and I executed them (quite) well. I know now that even when I'm scared ****less, I can dance.

Hopefully, that will help with the whole frozen face thing. If I can remember this for next time I dance, then hopefully I'll be thinking good thoughts about my dancing and those'll show through in my face. I hope it'll help me be calmer, and not terrified that I'm doing the same move over and over, then walking about a little bit (which is what I thought I was doing) If I can tap into these thoughts at the time, hopefully I'll be able to enjoy the dancing, and that definitely shows through when that happens.

So, I won't be posting a video of this particular dance as it's just too amateurish with my scared expression, but overall I'm pleased with it, and I learned something from watching it, yay! That's always a good thing :)