Nailing The Dance

I've got another video of myself up :D



This was at a hafla last Saturday. I had so much fun that night, it was really enjoyable. I danced in 3 dances - with the class, by myself and in a duet. So it was quite busy with costume changes, but that was good, I think. I didn't have time to work myself up and scare myself.

I've performed to this song 3 times now - oh, the song is "Tribute to Um Koulthoum" by Ahmed Bergaoui. It's off one of the bellydance superstars cds. Both other times I haven't really been happy. The first time, I worked myself into such a state of terror that I forgot everything I had thought of to do, and felt like I did the same move over and over. My confidence issues hadn't quite resolved themselves by that time, I think. The 2nd time, I was quite distracted by some noisy audience members, and while I was happier than last time, I still wasn't completely happy with it. This time, I think that I did as well as I can do at this time. I still watch the video and catch lots of things that could be done better or differently, but I don't think I could do them better or differently right now, and that makes all the difference. My confidence must be fully back :) I can accept that there are some things I'm not happy with, but I'm happy with it overall.

I think I smiled much more in this performance than I usually do, and had more of a range of expressions, and managed to express how that piece of music makes me feel. And I'm getting better at the whole audience-interaction thing. My mum was so surprised at my "flirting" with the audience when I showed her the video. She still thinks I'm a terrified 13 year old, I think. Some days I am still that 13 year old who just wants to hide, but evidently I have other days where I shake my bits at my friends in the audience, lol! :D

So, after 3 goes at this song, I think I've nailed it as well as I can right now. Perhaps I'll try again in a couple of years and see how much I improve over that time. Now to find another song to challenge myself with (actually I have a few ideas, but at least one of them will definitely need choreographed!) :D

When Dancing Goes Bleugh

Well, I did my performance last week. I spent right up until the interval of the hafla thinking I should just bow out, plead illness or something, because I was so nervous. Maybe I should have done so after all...

I don't think my performance was bad. I just definitely am not as happy with it as I have been with other dances. It just felt like I was doing the same moves over and over, which didn't even feel like particularly interesting moves. I did only a few of the things I had planned, and only remembered the other things when I was at a completely different part of the music. Judging from the reaction I got from other people as well I think I wasn't up to my usual standard. Not that anyone said it was rubbish or anything, I can just tell. Or is that me projecting my own thoughts onto them? :)

I guess I'll be able to tell for sure when the DVD comes out. (this hafla is filmed) I didn't get anyone to film me on my own camera, which is probably just as well as I wouldn't even have wanted to watch it yet :)

The thing is, I don't feel as bad as I thought I would after performing "badly". Like I said, I don't think it was bad, just not great (Now I'm thinking about how this paragraph is going to be revisited when I get the DVD, lol) There was a moment just after the dance when I kinda wanted to run to the bathroom and cry, but I was on the other side of the room, so had to hold it in till at least after the dancer who was on had finished, and by then the almost-tears had subsided. Now, I just feel like it's in the past - I can't change it, but I can work harder next time and make the next performance better. That is a very strange thing for me to think. Normally, after doing something "badly" I would just give up on whatever activity I was doing and go hide in a corner. But really, it's not making me depressed or anything like it normally would. I'm just kind of meh about it. (lol, meh about the bleugh!) Again, this statement will probably be completely different after watching the DVD :) Just have to wait and see.



Things I've learned from this:

I find this song somewhat intimidating and hard to perform to. (It was Habibi Ya Eini by Nourhanne) I love the song, but somehow I find it difficult. I should maybe try choreograph a routine to it instead of trying to improvise. maybe some songs are just better choreographed.

To pay attention to my feelings before a performance. If I'm that nervous again, I will either cancel my performance, or arrange to change the music to something I'm comfortable with.

To try even harder to not look at the scary non-smiling person in the front row. Arg! I think a whole blog post needs to be written about how to be a supportive audience member, and then it needs to be emailed out! OK, not going so far as to email it, because that sort of person wouldn't pay attention to it anyway, but it definitely needs written. And I need to work on strategies for ignoring that type of audience member. I tried to concentrate on the smiley, friendly people in the audience, but you know how it is, you just keep looking back to see if they're smiling yet. And it doesn't help your confidence or your performance.

That maybe this hafla and venue is just not a good one for me. I don't think I've ever performed to my best there in the few years I've been dancing at it. I don't know if it's the size of the hall, or the fact that it's being filmed, or what, but something isn't working for me.

That it really doesn't matter if you have an off day (of course I'm speaking for non-professional, amateur hafla performances here). There were so many other fantastic dancers there that nobody will really remember (and of course, I'm ignoring the fact that there will be a DVD!) Sure, I wanted to dance as well as those others, but it didn't happen that time. Next time I will. Performance levels, like everything else in life, go up and down, and all I can do is my best at the time.



Blimey, that's all a bit positive and pro-active! :D I've still got lots to think of about it, and I'm a bit nervous about the DVD popping through my letterbox, but really, a performance that isn't great is not the end of the world. I just have to pick up my sparkly costume and keep going. At least my top didn't pop off or anything (got to look on the bright side!) :D